What are your best qualities?
I am a very loyal friend. I am tenacious and a hard worker. I can hold conversations with anyone and everyone about anything.
Do you have any undesirable qualities?
When I am hurt, I tend to hurt back. I wish I could take rejection with more tact.
What do you love the most about your body?
I love my eyes and my smile. I love my ability to dance and move and balance. I am grateful for my flexibility.
Tell us the story about your scars...
I began noticing my stretch marks after I quit doing ballet/dance. I danced from age 3 to 16, and when I quit, I had been dancing 24+ hours a week so my body was used to extreme amounts of physical activity. It took a few years after I quit for my body to really change, but I noticed my thighs started showing stretch marks around age 18/19 and my breasts began showing stretch marks shortly after.
My body is still ever-changing and has changed a lot since I was that young (I am 30 now).
What was your response when you first noticed your body changing?
I liked my body changes when they first began. I grew up a bit thicker than my peers at my dance studio, so despite being 90 pounds at age 16, I had more fat on my body than my peers and was self conscious about them/knew I would never be able to become a professional ballerina as I do not have the body type for it. Once I quit ballet and had less critique and demands of my body, I began to love her a bit more and embrace my curves.
How did those around you make you feel about these changes?
My boyfriend at the time began making comments about my body and how we needed to start working out together. To be 100% honest though, I think he has some pedophilic tendencies so when my body started to look more "womanly" he wanted it to go back to how it looked before when I wasn't eating enough for the amount of working out I did.
My mom also began making more comments about my body, but primarily about my breasts and how I should cover them up because I was drawing too much attention to myself.
Describe your journey with body acceptance...
I have had a long journey with body acceptance and still work on it to this day. I spent most of my young-adult life wishing I was in a smaller body, mostly due to what I saw online and in social media. Looking back at photos of myself, it upsets me to know I've spent such a large portion of my life focused on my size.
I read a book called "The Body is Not an Apology" when I was in graduate school, and it was very inspiring and encouraged me to take a closer look at the way I was speaking to myself about my body and noticing all of the things my body allowed me to do and how magical womens bodies are.
One thing I have struggled with in my adult life is weight loss. I like to workout and move my body, but I have noticed that whenever I start to do this more, I lose weight. While past me (and current me to some extent) would be happy about this, I don't enjoy how people comment on it as much as they do. It gets to the point where too many people comment on my weight loss and I end up stopping working out. I don't know why I do this, but part of me feels like it is my way of pushing back at societal expectations. I have also noticed that when I am at a smaller weight, I get more attention from men, which I don't really want. Part of me fears that if I am in a smaller body I'll find it easier to find a romantic partner - but I want someone who loves me at all sizes.
How do you incorporate self-love into your routine?
I incorporate self-love by celebrating myself and my body and my achievements. Whether it be masturbation, taking extra time to moisturize after a nice relaxing bubble bath, or working out - I like to take the time to enjoy myself.
What about self-love are you continuing to work on?
I am continuing to work on loving myself in all aspects. Many of my friends have made comments to me about how they wished they could be as confident as I am (but I really am faking it til I make it most of the time!) I am grateful for my body and what it has done for me up until this point, but I think that I could do more to express my love for myself.
I also would like to care less about what size I look in photos - if I look too big, I avoid posting a picture.
In addition, would like to workout/move my body more to gain strength versus doing it to be smaller.
What is one of your qualities you wish shined brighter than your exterior appearance?
My loyalty to friends/family and my ability to be a safe space for others.
What lesson do you hope to instill in your children about self-love & body acceptance?
I do not plan on having children, but I hope that others are able to instill in their children that our bodies are just the vessel housing our souls in this world. You are so much more than your body.
What makes you the happiest in the world?
Being surrounded by my loved ones celebrating everyday moments together.
What is something you wish you could have told yourself at your most fragile state?
I wish I could have told myself that things get better - while it may seem like the world is ending today, you are stronger than you think.
What is the best compliment you've ever received?
While not a direct compliment, one of my favorite things anyone has said about me is "to know her is to love her". It made me feel very loved and special.
